Tuesday, December 27, 2011

My mom, my back ache, and how it's all related

I had intended to write a post about my mother one the one-year anniversary of her death, November 19.  But for several reasons (one being that it was emotionally not easy to write such a post), I didn’t get to it until now.

When I was composing the post in my head at the time, it was mainly about what my mom’s death had brought us. Besides the tremendous sadness of losing her, I also wanted to share that somehow, her death (and the fact that my dad found a new partner rather quickly and wasn’t a bundle of loneliness and misery we had to go and take care of) gave my sister and me a kind of liberty. Of course we would never say that we favored this liberty over having our mother, but – at least to me – it did offer some peace of mind. The umbilical chord had finally been completely cut. Let me explain: ever since we’d been living abroad, and even more so since the birth of our son, I always had this urge to move back to Holland. Not immediately, but someday in the not too far future. I wanted to be close to my mom, to have her around to babysit my child(ren), to be my reliable source to fall back on when I was in doubt. To have that person close to you whom you don’t need to explain anything to, she already knows. This feeling made me restless – always wanting to leave, even though hubby had no desire to move back to the lowlands any time soon. However, when she had died, this feeling was almost immediately gone. I wanted to stay where I was. I had good and affordable childcare for my son, we had built some nice friendships with local and international people, I liked this city, I even got some more interesting work projects. It was as if I finally was able to appreciate this and value it for what it was. In a way, I think a similar thing happened to my sister. She lives in the US and talks at least once a year about moving back to Holland, about wanting her kids to grow up with their Dutch cousins, etc. However, just before my mom got her death sentence, they had sold their house in a very uninspiring town, to move to a town close to a big city, with all the cultural offerings they were missing so much. They briefly thought about abandoning that move and moving straight back to Holland, but luckily they didn’t do so. My mom got to experience the positive change it made for my sister, but also the rest of her family – and even when she was sick mentioned to me once that moving to that town was the best decision my sister had made. Then my mom died, and my sister had the urge to stay in Holland to take care of my dad. But they were getting into each other’s space, and not much later, my dad met someone new (something my sister had a lot more trouble with than I, but that’s a separate story). A year after they had rented their new home, they got the news that the owners wanted to get rid of it. So it was move or buy. Again there were discussions about family in Holland, etc. etc.  But in the meantime my sister had also obtained her US citizenship (my brother-in-law had done it a few years before – having to give up his Dutch citizenship, but my sister could keep dual, the kids already had dual citizenship since birth). They bought.

So something along this line would have been my initial thought for a post. I didn’t dwell daily on missing my mom. I was even glad that the tensions that were there sometimes between us and my parents (mainly because of stuff my mom did that irritated the hell out of my hubby) were now gone. I did miss that I couldn’t call her regarding my pregnancy, talking to my dad about it was just not the same. But since we lived far away, she hadn’t been present much in daily life, so that just continued. If I stopped and reflected, I could get very sad (and still can) about the memory that is gone. My mom remembered everything, my dad remembers hardly anything, She was a better listener, or at least made an effort to register things from our daily lives –my birthday was almost two weeks ago, on a Friday, of course my dad called when I was at the pool for my prenatal swimming that I’ve been doing every week since September – and I cried when I heard his voicemail, knowing that if my mom still had been alive, she would have remembered, and they would have called early, to catch me before I left.

For the first anniversary of her death we went to Paris with my dad and his girlfriend (I didn’t want to drive all the way up to Holland and wasn’t sure airlines would still allow me to fly). I had mentioned to my dad a few weeks earlier that I wanted to light a candle for my mom at the Notre Dame cathedral. We would also take a walk at the Père Lachaise cemetery. My dad’s girlfriend would be there, but she had already indicated that there would be enough opportunity for my dad and me to take some time apart and mourn. It all seemed to be a good plan and we were enjoying the weekend and the fact that we were spending time together. The day we arrived we took the walk at the cemetery (beautiful views over Paris), I saw a grave of an artists we’d been to an exhibit of once when we were vacationing in France. He made a lot of (crazy) paintings with violins, which I really liked and I had tried to get (a reproduction of) one of his works, but to no avail. I made a photo of the grave. I asked my dad if he’d seen it, he said he did, but he didn’t remember the vacation story. I emailed the photo to my sister. She didn’t remember either. My mom would have.

The next day, November 19, we went to Notre Dame in the morning. When we arrived there it seemed my dad wanted to split up – but not the way we had talked about, but him staying with the girlfriend. He was nervous. I told him I wanted to light the candle with him, what the girlfriend and my hubby wanted to do was up to them, if someone could take the toddler, that would be good. So finally my dad asked his girlfriend to walk around with our toddler, while he and I lit a candle and hubby was there too to take a picture. Then when we had taken our moment, my dad asked me to give the girlfriend a hug later, because this was difficult for her too. I didn’t really react at first, but when I was outside again I screamed “No” in my head. This was our moment. If someone needed to be comforted it was me not her!

Then a few days later, when we were all back home, my dad called me and told me he and the girlfriend had had an argument. Apparently she had first said she didn’t even want to come to Paris, because it was too hard. Then she still came, but had said she didn’t want to come to Notre Dame with us, but in the end she did. I was mad. I told him she could have opened her mouth at breakfast, when we were discussing what to do that day. But maybe it was also my dad, because he always wants to have everyone around him and do everything together, so maybe she did suggest she would go do something else and meet up with us later, and he convinced her to come along anyway. I don’t know. I told him they should find a way to deal with it. I understand it is difficult, but my dad clearly still doesn’t know how to manage dealing with mourning my mom and having a girlfriend, but it doesn’t work this way – we now cannot talk about my mom when his girlfriend is there, so even though when we see each other we all have a nice time, and I don’t blame him for having found someone new (yes, it was soon, but these things sometimes just happen, that’s life), but we can’t shut out my mom. The girlfriend should not see my mom as competition. They are incomparable anyway.

That was the anniversary weekend. A month later it was my birthday, a week later it was Christmas, and I entered the final month of pregnancy. On Friday I made a very ordinary but apparently completely wrong movement and pulled my lower back. It hurt the entire weekend, I couldn’t bend, walking was difficult, etc. Thanks to some stretching and massaging I started feeling a little better on Sunday afternoon. On Monday evening the osteopath thankfully had time to see me. These are the to-go to specialists in France for muscle aches, back pain etc, but I always forget that they are part shrinks (they work from the ‘cranio-sacral’ standpoint, I’m more used to physical therapists or chiropractors who massage or ‘crack’ you and give you exercises), so there I was, lying on the table and then the question came, if something had happened recently. So I first said no, and then I said well, maybe I’m missing my mom a bit more around the Holidays and the nearing end of the pregnancy, and oh, there was this thing that happened around the anniversary of her death… So while he was working on me, my back pain went from a 5-6 to an 8  - which the osteopath said was perfectly normal, because I need to release it all, it will start to feel better soon and disappear in a few days.

The hour on the massage table made me reflect again. On how I have lost an anchor place with my mom’s passing, on how difficult it can be that that one person, who knew everything about me, is just no longer there. And I thought about the text again that was on a condolence card someone sent us last year. It’s part of a poem by a Dutch (Christian oriented) poet:

Zeven maal om de aarde te gaan, (to go around the earth seven times)
als het zou moeten op handen en voeten; (if necessary on all fours)
zeven maal, om die ene te groeten (seven times, just to greet that one person)
die daar lachend te wachten zou staan. (who would be waiting there, smiling)
Zeven maal om de aarde te gaan. (to go around the earth seven times)

Sometimes the urge to just wanting to see her, touch her, one more time, smiling, like she used to be, before she got sick, can hurt so much. And I wish her grave wasn’t 900 km away, and I could go visit it often,  and just sit there, and be with her in spirit.

(and yes, my back is already starting to feel better…)

Thanks for reading all the way to the end. 

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Feeling sorry for myself

I'm not having the best morning. Yesterday when taking the breakfast stuff from the dining table back to the kitchen I pulled my back. Even lying down an entire night didn't do anything to relieve the pain and turning was almost impossible and caused two bouts of leg cramps. So of course I didn't sleep well. Our toddler was at our bedside at 6:30 am and after 15 minutes in our bed wanted to get up and I had to join him (as usual).

Hubby has been absorbed in work unhappiness for weeks so is no fun to be around let alond that I should expect him to get up and entertain our son so I could get some more rest. Instead we closed the bedroom door so he can sleep for at least another hour.

Tonight we'll put the Christmas presents under the tree (earlier would only result in the toddler unwrapping everything). I had a lot of fun buying presents for our son and my hubby. I know there'll be one present for me, that hubby and I bought together, but I think that's it. Maybe I'll relabel the CD I bought hubby and give it to myself. How pathetic is that.

Boo. Time to get myself in the holiday spirit...

Sunday, December 11, 2011

33w5d belly pic

I realize I officially suck at taking and posting belly pics, but here's one anyway, taken late last night...

Saturday, December 10, 2011


I assume what I've been doing in the past week / days has something to do with nesting, and not just my usual sense of organization (and my apparent lack of common sense, when it comes to some actions, but more on that later).

Ever since the conference I was working on has happened and my workload has significantly decreased, I've been catching up on things around the house that were patiently waiting for me to have more time, but there was a definite tug from the baby department, calling me to start preparing for the arrival of baby #2.

First, I'd been having my eye on a very cool design co-sleeper - something I'd like to have as I don't want to repeat the first six months we had with son #1 (and of course this baby's sleep habits might be completely different, but I want to be better prepared this time in case they are similar to #1), i.e. getting up every 1.5-2hrs at night for 4 months in a row until I was so exhausted that I had completely lost myself (both mentally and physically - I lost way too much weight). However, as is always the case with a cool design, it came with a heavy price tag and it wasn't in stock for a long time. When I told hubby about it he thought I was completely nuts  - why spent so much money on it if you're only going to use it for about six months. I knew he was right, and though I had planned to ask it as a gift from my always very generous grandmother, I was wondering if I wasn't overstepping it. So... to make a long story short, I started browsing the lovely interweb and found a very suitable alternative, available here in France, with a much friendlier price tag and grandma was OK with paying for it. So I immediately ordered it because I had a 15% discount coupon (but of course the next day I received a 30% discount coupon from the same store, which made me a little mad) and a few days later it arrived at our doorstep and of course I immediately had to assemble it.

In co-sleeper mode, with one side down

In bassinet mode, with all sides up
Next to our bed, with the veil my mom made for the crib #1 slept in (and #2 will use too when it outgrows this one)
It is still standing in our bedroom, but of course not directly next to the bed. When our toddler saw it for the first time, he wanted to know what it was, so I said it was a little bed for the new baby. The next day he walks into our bedroom, he sees the bassinet and he says "shh, baby's asleep".

Then, as we only have a 2BR apartment, both kids will have to share a bedroom once the baby has got some sleep routine going. Our toddler's room still contains some office elements (a desk, which we never use anymore, except to put piles of bills on to be filed away and a few books for evening story time; and a file cabinet) which have to be moved out (desk to be put away in storage, file cabinet to our bedroom) so there will be room for the baby's crib and a second chest for a combination of toys (a system from the well-known blue and yellow Swedish superstore) and clothes for our toddler. The lower part (a three-drawer chest) is currently in the living room, but will have to make room for the play pen which we're going to set up again, and then we'll put a taller unit on top of it with wire baskets and a clothes rail).

So for the past two weeks I'd been composing my shopping list on the Swedish superstore's website, I also added a bar stool for myself, so I don't always have to stand when preparing meals, step stools so the toddler can brush his teeth without me having to pull him up to the vanity, underbed storage boxes (for more toys) etc. Last Thursday the store near our city finally had everything in stock what I needed, so off I went, with toddler in tow and my shopping list all printed out (which very handily listed where in the warehouse part of the store various items could be found). It all started out great, still had toddler contained in the shopping cart when passing through the Christmas ornaments (and of course buying them too), but then I needed a second cart for the bigger items. And then he stood up in the other cart, wanted to be on the flatbed cart - started running through the warehouse aisles, and oh my.... I was sweating and cursing myself for doing this (but at the same time I really get a kick of going to this store and being able to check everything off my list, even when eight months pregnant, just the toddler-chasing did me in). Then we arrived at the checkout and there were huge lines, also for the priority (ie pregnant women) checkout lanes. I never feel comfortable cutting in front of a lot of people just because I'm pregnant, but a woman waiting in line in front of me took one of the carts and brought me right up to the checkout, I gave an apologetic look to the lady who was first in line, and she graciously let me pass (and then looked at my carts and I could see her think "this woman is nuts").

All in all the trip went well, despite having to change shirts once home (and yes, I left the heavy items in the car for hubby to take out when he gets back) but this trip, in combination with the broken nights I've been having because our toddler is abusing the fact that daddy hasn't been home for the past week (so he wakes up in the middle of the night, wanting to sleep with mommy in the big bed. I'm mostly too tired to try to keep him in his own bed, but he takes a while before falling back to sleep if at all) really got to me yesterday evening. Of course our toddler isn't getting the sleep he needs either, so he's crying and throwing tantrums, while I try not to lose my temper (not always successfully) or cry myself, while my whole body hurts and tells me to just please lie down. It only got better this evening, after we'd both had a good long nap and we just stayed home and cooked dinner instead of running errands or trying to see friends.

Three more sleeps until hubby's back home. Hopefully our toddler will come back to his senses when it comes to his nighttime sleeping then too.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Pretty stupid

So in yesterday's post I wrote a little bit about the various meds I'm taking. The magnesium tablets however were giving me a hard time, in that they are pretty impossible to swallow. I was already breaking them in two or three pieces, but even then it remained a challenge. So this morning I had a look at the box to see what was actually in them (various homeopathic forms of magnesium) so I could go to the pharmacy and buy those ingredients as granules.

Then my eyes wandered over to the directions: three times a day (OK was doing that, as the pharmacist had told me so), preferably not during mealtime (oops, had taken them at mealtime, as that's the easiest way for me to remember), by breaking them and then letting them dissolve under your tongue.

Right... no wonder they were hard to swallow! Today's tablets have been a lot easier to take...

And then partly in response to Valery's question whether they were doing anything against my leg cramps. Yes, I do think so, even when I swallowed them... (but as a rule with all homeopathic medicine, you have to believe!)

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

8-month checkup

Just a quick update on my checkup of this afternoon at 33w2d. Everything still going great! Doc said the baby is still very high so I shouldn't worry about anything this month. The little one is super active, which is a joy to feel each and every time.

The stats:
Weight: +1.5 kg since last month
BP: 110/60
Fundal height: perfect (didn't get the measurement)
Cervix: Long and closed
Belly/Uterus: Soft
Fetal HR: good (didn't get reading)

Currently (still) on the following meds:
2 iron tablets a day
1 baby aspirin a day (which I can stop at 35w0d)
1 stool softener a day
2-3 magnesium tablets a day (this was not prescribed by my OB, but the midwife whom I'm taking the birthing classes with advised me to take them when I mentioned my leg cramps)
3x 3 9ch granules of cuprum metallicum (homeopathic medicine) a day (self medication, also for leg cramps)
1 prenatal vitamin a day (self medication)

Got my blood work done right after seeing the OB so that'll be ready for my consult with the anesthesiologist coming Monday.

Am planning to write a few more thoughtful posts than these easy stats and updates, but have to find a time of day to do that when I'm less tired.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Third trimester ultrasound

This morning we had our fourth and probably last (unless I go past my due date) ultrasound, at 32w2d. Everything's looking good with the little man! He seemed to be snuggled up against the placenta, head down, back on the left, so in a good position for delivery in about eight weeks! Also looks to be a bigger baby than his brother, his estimated weight is 2186 g (+/- 320) (compared to 1928 g for baby #1 at his 32w2d u/s), and head and belly circumferences are above the 90 percentile.

Cervix is still long and closed, at 44.6 mm (compared to 51.5 mm at the 20w ultrasound).

Below a few candle wax images of our sweet bub's face.

Monday, November 28, 2011

This and that

Oh my, I'm so behind with posting (and commenting too), that I hardly know where to start... I have some notes in my phone from my 7-month OB checkup, which is now almost a month ago. I have ideas for writing a post about the first anniversary of my mom's passing, there are regular pregnancy-related tidbits...

Well anyway, the big conference I was working on happened on November 10 and I think we can call it a success, which is of course great. There are some things that need to be done as follow-up, but overall the enormous pressure is off and that is good, because I'm out of second trimester energy and have definitely entered the third trimester feeling of "oh, what is this belly feeling heavy and tight" and "I could use a good nap". So the first two weeks after the conference I caught up on sleep and other items that had been patiently waiting on my to-do list. There is still a huge pile of bills etc that needs to be filed, but other than that I got most things covered (it's a shame though that once the apartment is clean it gets dirty quickly enough again...).

Things continue to go well with the pregnancy. I've had the first two of eight birthing classes reimbursed by the state health insurance. I'm doing them with the same independent midwife as with my first pregnancy, so it's a nice "Aha Erlebnis", but also different as I'm now the 'experienced one' compared to the women who are pregnant with their first child, and when doing breathing exercises can think "yeah, this is great for the first 4 cm, after that you have to find a different technique".

The stats for my 7-month check up, which I had on November 2nd, at 28w2d:
Weight:+0.5 since last checkup
BP: 105/60
Fundal height: 26 cm
Everything else perfect and she told me I could do the conference, so that was good news (for some reason I had worried a bit that after all the long workdays she would tell me my cervix had shortened and I would have to take it easy, or something, but no, I was allowed to continue the craziness for another week).

The other things will come in a separate post. Off to bed now.

Friday, October 21, 2011

6-month checkup and other updates

Sorry again for the long hiatus in posting - I'm just extremely busy - and I even forgot my blogoversary again (the third, I've missed all of them)! Things should be slowing down after November 10, when the conference I'm co-organizing will be over. Of course I got two paid projects this week (one has to be finished by Monday morning, the other by Friday), so I work many days (especially the ones when I have my son at home) from when the toddler is in bed until about 11:30 pm. Yeah, probably not very wise for a 6-month pregnant woman, but luckily I'm still in my energetic second trimester, hopefully the feeling will last until the magic date of November 10!

Last week Monday I went for my 6-month OB checkup. The doc was as enthusiastic as ever and everything was fine!
The stats:
Weight: +1 kg since last check-up
Blood pressure: 100/60
Fundal height: good
Cervix: no changes since last time (long, closed, firm)
Uterus: tonic - and the doc was all excited that she could feel the baby.
Fetal HR: good (didn't get the reading) - with the mention that boys' HRs are often a little slower than girls' (so then can run faster later...)

Continuing the baby aspirin and stool softeners, and got a prescription to get some compression stockings because she thought my legs looked a bit damaged. Well, I didn't really agree - or at least, to me they don't look more 'damaged' than usual or than with my previous pregnancy: spider veins and bruises (I often take corners a bit too sharp in the house). My legs don't hurt and I do have cramps sometimes, but they were much worse in my first pregnancy and then she just prescribed magnesium supplements and never mentioned compression stockings. But the good girl that I am, I went to the pharmacy and bought two pairs anyway and even tried them on. They are really long (like real stockings, not like the ones that come up to your knees only) and the compression part is OK, but the 'glue' band on top is really annoying! I told the pharmacy when I went to pick up the second pair (that was on back-order) and they sold me some 'barrier' cream, which is supposed to help with the scratchy feeling, but to be honest, it doesn't do much. Anyway, we'll see how much I'll use them...

Then this Monday I had to go to the lab for my glucose tolerance test. Two hours 'lounging' in the lab room with a total of three blood draws (fasting, 1h after glucose intake and 2h after glucose intake) with an iPod that I'd forgotten to charge... (did have my iPhone, but after updating to iO.S 5 I somehow had lost my music because I synced it with one of our other computers...). When I got up for the final blood draw I got a very weird and painful feeling in my legs. I mentioned it to the lab technician and she said it might be from getting up too soon after having laid down for two hours and told me to sit in the waiting room until it felt better... Luckily it did, although I felt funny the rest of the day (and almost fainted at the butcher store at the end of the day). Got the results back yesterday and I passed (funny though that my glucose level at 1h was lower than the fasting level).

OK, this post has become way too long. I know there have been requests for a belly pic and I will do my best... also would like to post a graph of the weekly belly measurements I take (did the same with my first pregnancy, when I didn't take any pics at all). But that will all have to wait for another post, hopefully I'll have some time next week.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Things I've learned during this pregnancy

In no particular order...

Prenatal swimming / aquatic exercises are heaven for my lower back.

Homeopathic anti-constipation medicine just doesn't work. I had hoped I could stop the stool softeners but that was just wishful thinking...

Homeopathic anti (leg) cramp medicine does seem to work, but not always...

Taking baby-gym courses with my toddler is super exciting for him, but exhausting for me. Fortunately we do it with two friends, so they can pitch in when I need a break.

Toddler swimming is fun for us both (and not so exhausting for me).

I think I'm going to live in the maternity yoga pants I just bought for the remainder of the pregnancy (oh, and I love online shopping for maternity wear, very dangerous!).

I love the thought of having two boys and don't understand people's reaction when they ask if I'm disappointed that we're not having a girl.

I have no idea what is going through my toddler's head when he sees my growing belly, but every evening he wants to read the book about the girl who's getting a little brother. He especially loves the images where the baby is upside down in the mother's belly. He also seems to get more clingy the bigger my belly gets.

I love being pregnant (I already knew that from the first time, but this time is even better/more relaxed).

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, September 19, 2011

It's a boy!

We had our 22 week ultrasound this morning and the first image we saw on the screen didn't leave any mistake: we're expecting another boy! (I considered posting the pic, but I know some people might be offended, so I decided not to - below are two 'safer' ones).

I already had a feeling it would be a boy, but it's nice to have the confirmation now. The little man was moving around a lot, even stuck his tongue out! All organs and bones looked and measured great, and he's a bit above the curve with everything, but I think we had the same with our first one and when he was born he wasn't any bigger than an average (French) baby. She also measured the cervix, which was long and closed at about 5 cm. Placenta is fare enough away from the cervix, so that's good to know too.

After the ultrasound I had my 5-month check-up with my OBGYN. Of course I already knew everything was fine, but it's always nice to see my doctor pleased and enthusiastic. I still didn't get my blood pressure reading (I think this time she said 110 over 60), but she said it was good. Fundal height at 22 cm so right on target, very supple/soft uterus, tonic cervix. Baby's heartrate was fine too (didn't get the exact measurements either).

I'll have to make an appointment with the lab for later this week for the routine checks and then next month it will be fun with the glucose tolerance test and some additional blood tests. My next OB check-up  is only three instead of four weeks away due to scheduling of appointments with the hospital for the last three months (still with the same OBGYN, but next month will be the last checkup at her private practice, and for month 7-9 it will be at the hospital. Since my due date is at the end of January, appointments at the hospital have to be made for the beginning of the month, and until now my appointments were more towards the middle/end of the month).

Friday, September 16, 2011

A weekend away

Just a quick update from the airport, where I'm about to board a flight to London, sans hubby and toddler. Going to attend a conference tomorrow with a colleague/friend and then be back home on Sunday afternoon.

Left our toddler with the sitter this morning with a 38.7 degree fever (celsius obviously, which equals about 101.7 Fahrenheit), other than that he was a happy camper, so no idea what the problem is. Hopefully he won't get really sick and will still be able to go with hubby to the toddler swimming session tomorrow morning.

Went to prenatal swimming session this morning myself, which was really nice. But somehow looking at the other pregnant women I didn't feel pregnant myself! Weird...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, September 10, 2011

I take that back...

...regarding the leg cramps.

Woke up this morning with a horrible cramp in my left leg - but not the back, but on the side - horrible place, because the usual trick of pulling your toes in the direction of your nose doesn't work...

Friday, September 9, 2011

Past the halfway mark

That's right - I'm 20w4d today, so even according to my French city's standards - which counts 40w3d for due dates - I'm into the second part of my pregnancy. Only if this one decides to stay inside as long as his or her older brother, then I'm not quite there yet...

Anyway, it doesn't really matter. Everything is going the way it should. Belly is growing, I feel the baby moving more and more, and I'm feeling pretty good. Leg cramps are nothing compared to my first pregnancy, but maybe that's still to come or the homeopathic treatment I gave myself (cuprum metallicum and nux vomica) did the trick, who knows...

I bought a doppler after I saw that it was much cheaper than I thought those things would be, but to be honest, I hardly use it. I prefer feeling the baby's kicks and moves - somehow I feel that those are signs he/she wants to give me him-/herself that everything is going okay in there, and with the doppler I'm somehow intruding on his/her space, or is that weird?

We should know the baby's sex at the next ultrasound in two weeks time. Somehow I'm thinking it's a boy, but no real reason for it other than that I don't know any better as my previous pregnancy was a boy. Friends around my son's babysitter say it must be a girl because a few of their pregnant friends who are due in January are all expecting girls. But then I think that ours was conceived a few months earlier, so their 'wisdom' might fall short...

I had my first prenatal yoga class this evening and it was good. A different class and teacher than I had with my first pregnancy, I think I like this one better (she's also a midwife), a little more down-to-earth. Classes are every other week, so I will try to get some discipline to also do some exercises at home, although knowing myself that will probably not happen...

I've also signed up for prenatal swimming/water exercises for which classes begin next Friday (you see, it's "la rentrée" - referring to start the new school year at the beginning of September, but also meaning all other activities, even if they're not meant for school children at all, have a summer hiatus and start up again in September - and oh my if you're trying to get into a class in mid-season!). Looking forward to that. It's in an aquatic center a bit out of town, but looks very nice, much better than the municipal swimming pools close by. We've also signed up for Saturday morning 'swimming' activities with our toddler at the same center since he showed so much love for being in the water this summer, so that should be fun too.

Other than that I'm still extremely busy with work. Had a huge deadline today, which I still haven't met, but I'm now waiting for input from two other people before I can send the docs off, so it's pretty much out of my hands (and I figured everyone has gone home anyway, so not much difference if they get it now or tomorrow or Sunday - besides, did I mention I don't get paid for this job...?! - but it's worth it, I hope). Luckily I didn't get any angry emails or phone calls, so I'm pretty zen.

Friday, August 26, 2011

18w4d - belly pics

By popular demand... ;-)

Two pics, belly looks much bigger in the second one (must have something to do with hollow or straight back I guess), so for you to decide which is the more realistic one...

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Recap of the past month

Thankfully the heat wave is over! After a short and pretty mild thunderstorm cool air is flowing into our apartment again.

Our vacation didn't exactly go as planned, but was really nice nonetheless. It started with a drive up north (not all the way to Holland, but to Belgium) to celebrate my husband's uncle 50 years of priesthood. It was nice but also a bit weird - to hubby's uncle, his brothers are clearly more like family than his real family, which is understandable, but makes these celebrations in a way a bit awkward as well. But it was good to see the family, even though most things stayed pretty superficial (which was OK with me, no need for another fight between hubby and his sister).

After that we drove a few hours south, to a chic Parisian suburb, where my sister was staying with her family (they had done a house exchange for the holidays). The weather turned a lot better and it was great fun seeing our toddler interact with his cousins (whom he doesn't see that often as they live in California).

Then the plan was to drive in the direction of Bordeaux, where we would exchange our car for my dad's camper van (who was already vacationing with his girl friend there), take a 10-day trip with the camper van, after which we would return it to my dad at our home. But, my dad got sick. It wasn't very clear what kind of infection he had picked up, and whether it was viral or bacterial, but the main message was "your daughter can come visit but there should be no contact". Well, that seemed super artificial to us (and try to tell our toddler that he cannot hug his granddad, or maybe he can, but if he does, he cannot be held by his mommy anymore? Not a good idea). So we made the decision to cancel those plans, go home first, and then see from there what we would do.

I must say that the whole idea of going back home made me feel pretty miserable. I was supposed to be on holiday! But once we were back home, having our own things, sleeping in our own bed, it wasn't that bad after all. Also because by the time we were back, we had made a plan what to do next: we decided to stay home for a few days, let a cold/rainy front come through and once the sun would come out again, we would put our tent and other camping gear in the car and drive two hours to a valley we'd passed through a couple of times on our way south (via country roads) and had fallen in love with.

If we ever win the lottery, we want to live here...

So off we went. The surroundings were even more beautiful than we remembered, the campsite was nice, but the first night was interesting! I had consulted the weather forecast for the area, but only looked at day temperatures, which were really nice and warm. However, the first three nights were cold! Our poor son woke up the first night because his sleepsack and summer PJs were just not warm enough. We took him between us where he fell asleep immediately again, despite our air mattress slowly getting softer and softer, until we were on the ground! I also felt some leg cramps (which were horrible during my first pregnancy) coming up, but fortunately they stayed pretty mild and were manageable. So the next day we went to the store to buy a warm camping sleeping bag for our son and a new air mattress for ourselves, because despite having a repair kit handy, we couldn't find the leak!

The following days and nights were much better, even though our son was suffering from two emerging molars, and winced every time we had to wipe his red butt. Being pregnant while camping had its challenges too: I decided to stop taking my anti-constipation medicine, because it made me go to the toilet a bit too often. And speaking of toilet, of course I woke up in the middle of the night having to pee - quite an excercise, but oh well, luckily it was only once a night (and the stars were beautiful!).

All in all we had a lovely week, but when we came home we were also very glad to find our own bed again, having a fridge, and not having to bend over a tiny cooking stove when preparing meals.

Then the work crisis hit that I wont' bother you with.

And finally we did manage to meet up with my dad and his girl friend. They drove up with the camper van to a campground near our city and we spent last weekend with them, which was really nice. They're now on their way back to Holland.

And to finish this post, yesterday was my third OB appointment (at 18w1d) and both the bub and I are doing great! I didn't get any of the measurements other than the upper part of my BP (110) and my weight (again +2 kg from last month's appointment, so +4 kg in total), but everything was fine. Got to hear the bub's heart beat via the doppler which was wonderful. The OB was somewhat surprised that I already felt movement (since around week 15) and remarked that my belly had really popped (it has). She also had my T21 results: 1/617 (threshold is at 1/250). Maybe not super great numbers, but better than the result with my first pregnancy (which was somewhere around 1/450) which turned out fine and the OB told me there's no reason to worry, and I agree. So everything is going well! I just have to go to the lab early next week again for monthly blood and urine work and then the next OB checkup and ultrasound will be on September 19.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I'm back and will update soon

Sorry for the radio silence. I've been back home for a week now, but got into a work crisis right away (so bad that almost walked off the project), not a really nice way of coming back from vacation I must say... Fortunately we were able to work it out and all is OK again.

Currently suffering through a heat wave (38 degrees Celsius outside, 28 degrees Celsius inside with all the blinds and windows closed - no A/C obviously). Should be over by Friday. Went to the OB for a checkup today. All is well. I will write more about that and give a little recap of our summer holidays tomorrow evening.

Have been reading my blog list via google reader so am pretty up-to-date on what's going on with all of you, now only have to go back to commenting (but you're all in my thoughts!!).

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Vacation hiatus

We're on vacation - in search for the sun. Back to blogging in about three weeks...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, July 18, 2011

13w0d - second OB appointment

Just came back from my OB appointment and subsequent blood tests. Everything is fine (which I already more or less knew from last Wednesday's ultrasound).

BP: 110/? (I thought she said 40, but that cannot be true - and I didn't ask again)
Weight: +2 kg from last month's appointment - and it's true, I can eat all day! Favorites: potatoes (especially potato salad), green beans (which I normally don't really like), chips - anything salty really, not much of a sweet tooth these days.
Cervix: long and closed
Uterus: 'supple' (intestines not so much - have horrible constipation. Doc prescribed me something for it, hopefully it'll help!)
Continuing the baby aspirin, but I can now stop the progesterone suppositories. Yay!

Overall she said that I gave the impression of being very serene about the pregnancy (I guess I am, in any case much more so than about work!).

Then after I saw the OB I went to the lab for the monthly blood work (toxoplasmosis) and urine sample plus the T21 blood test. Results for the latter will be communicated via my OB (might even have to wait until the next appointment...). Nuchal scan at the ultrasound showed no signs to worry though, so I hope the blood test will confirm that.

Still a little less than two weeks before we go on vacation! Can't wait...

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Sharing stories

A little over a month ago I had lunch with someone to ask her to come work with me and another woman on the organization of a one-day conference planned for November. It was the day of our first scan and somehow I told her that day that I was pregnant (I don't exactly remember why, but it had something to do with that she was telling me to go after this, do that, apply for jobs, etc. and I couldn't think of any good excuse so I just told her I was pregnant - it was also after that meeting that I wrote here that I felt like a complete professional failure).

Anyway… I knew that she had one child, and she mentioned that when applying for jobs she didn't mention her age, marital status and whether she had kids or not (it is quite common in France to provide all that info, including a picture of yourself…) because it had led to questions before about whether or not she wanted another child, etc. I didn't ask her about it, figuring there must be a story - secondary infertility, or something else.

She joined the team, got very active (which is great, and I love it, but it also drives me nuts because I see myself in her but can't do what she does right now because of my pregnancy fatigue) and last Thursday, during a break in our 6-hour meeting, she told me that she had had four miscarriages when trying for baby #2 - all just before the end of the first trimester. Her revelation was triggered by the fact that she asked about my pregnancy and I told her that I would have our 12-week scan next week (of course after hearing her story now I'm freaked out something is going to be horribly wrong - and the fact that hubby told me he has to be away for business that day doesn't make it any easier).

So of course I told her our IF story too, and heard more details about hers. When her employer found out about her first miscarriage, he summoned her into his office and asked her what the hell she had been thinking getting pregnant (as she had just been working there for nine months and recently had gotten a fixed contract - he made it seem like she was taking advantage of the situation). If I ever meet this guy I will punch him in the face!

Her doctors kept telling her that she was young and could still have lots of babies. Even after miscarriage #3… No one talked to her about RPL and she had to go back to her home country to get all the blood tests done (she did consult a lot with Dr Google, so she asked her doctors for lots of test, but most of them just ignored her), her new OB (a colleague of my RE - whom she also saw, btw, but then she fell pregnant again so he just referred her to the OB, who told her she was just worrying too much...).

When she started bleeding again - miscarriage #4 - and couldn't get hold of her OB, she went back to the one who delivered her son. Finally people started listening to her. She had a hysteroscopy, they found adenomyosis (endometriosis of the uterus). She's now under the care of another specialist, again trying naturally. I do hope she's now finally under proper medical care and her RPL will be taken very seriously. I cannot imagine how stressful those 13 weeks of the first trimester must be for her. I can only wish her lots of strength and luck.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

I'm still here

Thanks St Elsewhere to giving me a little push to post again.

Have been wanting to do that for a long time, but either didn't have the energy or the time. Right now I have a splitting headache, but am babysitting at my neighbors (using our own wifi) while hubby is at home with our toddler - and since normally hubby doesn't want me to be typing away in the evening hours (while him sitting with his ipad on the couch all evening is perfectly OK and absolutely not the same thing…), I have to take the opportunity to update my blog.

Not that there's that much to tell, to be honest. I've been mainly either extremely busy or extremely tired. More the latter than the former, but since the fatigue makes me have to take naps, I get behind with my work, and don't ever seem to get through my to-do lists, which is frustrating the hell out of me.

I went to Holland for three days with our son, because I had to sign some papers for my dad's tax filing concerning the inheritance and my mom's tombstone (although it's not a stone, but glass, with pebbles underneath, but I don't know what I should call it) had been ready for a few weeks and I wanted to see that as well. My sister and her kids had arrived in Holland from California a few days earlier, so it was a nice opportunity to see them too.

But man, was it exhausting. First of all, my dad was super stressed and distracted (it already started at the airport when he came to pick us up - didn't know where he had parked the car, so we were wandering through the car park for a few minutes before we finally found it). This mainly because of his new relationship and the way my sister deals with it (not well). And also because this woman is so different from my mom, that he has to get used to that too - which makes him uncertain and stressed. And besides, they mainly communicate via text messages, which of course leads oftentimes to misunderstandings and almost break-ups etc. I can tell you, I'm already getting some training for when my son will hit puberty and get his first girlfriend! Pfff…

Then of course I tried to plan too many things in those three days, which I had to abandon almost immediately, because I was way too tired (partly due to the situation above, partly because my dad's house lacks blinds in front of his windows, and curtains didn't keep out the sun that was shining into my son's room at 5:30 am - so he would be wide awake by that time).

So I was somewhat relieved when the day arrived that we would fly home again. Only to find a message from the airline when I woke up that our direct morning flight had been cancelled and that they'd rebooked us on a flight in the afternoon via Paris. Ugh. Both flights were delayed as well. My son was a trooper on the first flight but fatigue overtook him on the second one, so he only cried, until he fell asleep, then woke up when they started the descend, and then cried again until we were in the terminal. To make it all complete, our luggage had stayed in Amsterdam and was only returned to us three days later…

Of course the next day I had belly cramps and lower back pain all day and it took me a while to recuperate. Last week was better, but trying to catch up on work, which worked relatively well, but still get frustrated when I see how much someone else on my team is getting done while I have a few items for this big project on my to-do list that have been there for about two months. I know, she's not pregnant (but ah, I will dedicate a post to her next as hers is not an easy story either), so I have an excuse, but I don't always want to have to hide behind that.

OK, I think I'm going to search for some chips here now (or call hubby to bring me some…)

Monday, June 20, 2011

9w0d - first OB appointment

First of all, my apologies for my badly written previous post. Somehow I had intended to write a really eloquent post about time and missing my mom, but it came out pretty horribly. Oh well...

Today was my first OB appointment. I still have to laugh when all the doctors here immediately grab the color wheel to determine how far along I am in my pregnancy/what my due date is. The ultrasound doc even asked me if I had one at home when I told her I was 5w4d pregnant before she had set the wheel to the right dates. I answered that no, I didn't, but that I do have internet...

When I made the appointment I had told the assistant about the pregnancy, but my OB hadn't checked my file yet, so she didn't know and was happily surprised when I told her. She knew about the FET (I had told her when I came in with my son a few months ago when he was sick - she also does pediatrics) and she kept repeating how happy she was for me during the consult.

She checked my BP (I forgot to ask the numbers), weight (+2 kg from pre-FET), breast and cervix (all fine) and gave me a prescription for all the blood tests I have to get done during my pregnancy. The T21 test has been moved up from the second to the first trimester, so that will have to be done right after my next appointment, when I'm around 13 weeks pregnant. We also set up appointments for the coming five months (up until the 7th month of pregnancy, from then on the consultations will still be with her, but at the hospital instead of her private practice).

The crampy belly/lower back pain seems to have been replaced by headaches. Not really an improvement, but for today another excuse not to get anything done that's on my to-do list (which I will regret again tomorrow of course).

Thursday, June 16, 2011


Sorry for being MIA for a while - I've been a bit too busy and with two long public holiday weekends my 'me-time' was limited.

Other than that I'm fine. I think I'm starting to get a little belly (hubby says it's because I eat too many cookies - he's crazy). My regular size pants don't fit anymore in the evenings. Until my first pregnancy I wore a size larger and I kept those clothes - they now come in very handy (I also unpacked some of my maternity clothes, but those are still way too big - also partly due to the fact that these are in my previous size). Worst part of the day for me is somewhere between lunch and dinner - my belly then feels slightly crampy, I have lower back pain and am tired. Sometimes the crampy belly prevents me from taking a good nap. I'm hungry most of the time. Yesterday I was watching a cooking program on TV after dinner and I swear, I could have eaten everything that I saw.

I got my registration for the hospital's l&d and maternity ward sorted - am #7 for the registrations that started this week for due dates end of January/early February (as I live in an area with many fertile myrtles and a popular hospital, you have to register pretty early on in your pregnancy to be sure there is a bed available for you).

Time is playing strange tricks on me - when I think about my due date (end of January), I picture it as being only about five months away, upcoming OB appointments or ultrasounds are in my idea somehow scheduled in November/December instead of June/July. It seems that I relate everything back to my first pregnancy (which debuted early October '08), but I wonder if it also is somehow linked to my mom's illness and passing (she received her 'death sentence' in last September and passed away in November), because when I read about friends' babies that were born in January/February I think they're only three months old instead of five - somehow I'm still stuck in November.

I'm feeling my mom's absence more and more now - my dad inquires about my health and feelings, but when I then tell him about my symptoms he will ask "is that all normal in this stage of pregnancy?" - so far away from what my mom's reaction would be - relating to her own pregnancies, or maybe my own first - I cannot call her anymore to tell her about new appointments or funny symptoms. I also missed her a lot when we were in the south of France two weeks ago, my dad (and his new girlfriend, but that's a whole other story) were with us - we were housesitting a friends' of my parents house. Our toddler just got over a stomach flu and was still waking up every morning at six (luckily he's now back to his usual routine of 7:30 am). Taking him to our bed for some extra snooze time was no option - he wanted to get up and mommy had to come with him. So I watched Sesame Street with my son while the rest of the house was still asleep, I made him a bottle and myself a cup of tea, and I longed for my mom, who was always an early riser, and who would have gotten up if she had heard us and made us some breakfast. Now the other adults didn't show their faces until two or three hours later (when my son and I felt ready to take a nap!).

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


Yeah... but most probably not pregnancy-related morning sickness but a stomach bug picked up from my toddler, who's been sick since Sunday evening.

Hubby wasn't feeling too great this morning either. Timing could hardly be worse - we're leaving tomorrow for the south of France for the long Ascension Day Weekend...


Saturday, May 28, 2011

5w4d - first scan

Yesterday we had our first ultrasound scan. Meet my little over-achiever! At 5w4d we saw a gestational sac (8,7 mm although the printed report later said 18 mm?!?), a yolk sack, and then a fetal pole of somewhere between 1.7 and 1.9 mm with a tiny flicker of a heart beat! Still too early to measure the heart rate, but it was there and oh, it felt soooo good to see it on the screen!

We went for a some coffee/tea with cake afterwards to celebrate.

My next appointments are as a 'regular pregnant woman': checkup with the OB on June 20th, next ultrasound on July 13.

The rest of the day was very stressful because of work and at the end of the day I felt like a complete professional failure (but that's something for a separate post, or not). And then when hubby came home he got mad because I had told his sister (whom he doesn't want to speak to anymore because of something that happened last summer) about the pregnancy. Ugh.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Third beta and some ramblings

Yesterday I went to the lab for my third and final beta: 1626! So still with a steady doubling time around 41 hours. All is good.

This also means I've graduated from my RE - we're on our own for our first scan, even though the RE would like to be kept updated (I still don't understand why they don't do the first scan at their clinic and then hand you over to your regular OBGYN, but oh, well, that's French logic for you).

With the first pregnancy this took me by surprise, but of course now I was prepared, so I booked the scan as soon as the results of my second beta were in. I go to separate OBs for the checkups and the scans (my OBGYN, who's actually a GP, but does mainly OBGYN and pediatrics, doesn't have u/s equipment). Both are always overbooked. So while I was thinking about a scan in the week of June 6 (we're away the week before), the 'u/s OB' proposed this Friday, which surprised me, because it's really early (5w4d), but she assured me it would be a good time to check the development and said that we might even be able to see a heartbeat. So I took the appointment, figuring that if we wouldn't see a heartbeat yet, I could try to get a second scan two weeks later. (My first regular OB appointment is not until June 20).

Of course, because I have nothing better to do, I consulted Dr Google on this as well, resulting in very vivid and strange dreams (one time even a nightmare involving my toddler, I will spare you the details, but I was quite shaken when I woke up) on the subject for the past couple of days/nights.

I POAS a total of three times (the day of my first beta, right between beta #1 and beta #2 and right between beta #2 and beta #3) and every time I look at those different gradations in intensity of the second line it puts a smile on my face.

Some minor symptoms are appearing as well. I love taking an afternoon nap, but at night I am often full of energy, feeling really happy, and I have difficulty falling asleep. My breasts don't hurt, but they seem to have become a bit firmer (after being a bit 'sloppy' as a result of eight months of breastfeeding), which is not a bad thing. I'm becoming more moody, which isn't helped at all by my toddler's "terrible two" tantrums. And generally I prefer sweat pants and comfy shirts to anything else (but I'll wear them only around the house, this is France after all!), much to hubby's dismay.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Second beta

Just got the results from my second beta test this morning: 337! This means a doubling time of 41.19 hours. I will have a third and final beta on Tuesday and then a first u/s next week Friday (5w4d).

Monday, May 16, 2011

The results are in...

My first beta, at 12dp2dt is 67!!!

Woohoo - first beta with IVF#1 was 55, so I find 67 to be a great number (I read somewhere that FETs give lower betas? Well not in my case)! Second beta will be on Friday. Keep your fingers crossed for great doubling numbers...


I had to pee after having my blood drawn, there was a HPT in my bag, so I thought "what the heck", and used it. And OMG, a second line appeared!

I sat on the metro with a stupid grin on my face.

Now just, please, don't let this be a residue from the booster shot I had last week... I googled it and apparently it takes 24 hours to get 1000 IU of a HCG booster shot out of your system. I had a 1500 IU shot last Tuesday, so that should be gone by now, right..?!?!

Lab results will be in at 2 pm.

At the lab

Should have gone in earlier. Waiting room is packed...

I kept to my own promise not to POAS. Maybe I'll do it just after I get my blood drawn, but HPTs have pretty much always meant disaster for me, so I'm not sure... too afraid to see only one line. No AF yet, but usually that would be 15dpo, so not until tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

HCG booster shot

First of all, thank you for all your words of encouragement on my previous post, it means a lot to me!

Yesterday morning I had to get my blood drawn for an estradiol level check. This time I went to the clinic's lab and I was so glad I did - blood drawn around 7:30 am, results in by noon, much better turnaround time than the lab around the corner from where I live.

The deal with the estradiol level check is that if it's under 500 pg/ml, you have to get a 1500 IU HCG boosters shot. With IVF#1 it was 1980, with IVF#2 it was >1000, but this time the level was 324 pg/ml. Of course this first freaked me out completely, but then I realized that with the two fresh cycles, my estradiol level at trigger time was near 3000 because of all the stimming. This time there had been a little stimming, but not nearly as much as with a fresh cycle, and my estradiol level the day before triggering was at 304 pg/ml, so I guess it would only be logical that my current level wouldn't be so high either.

So I called a nurse to make an appointment for the shot - she would come by around 6 pm, enough time for me to let my son have his afternoon nap and get the meds at the pharmacy afterward. We came home from our little walk to the pharmacy (with tricycle, uphill, so a normal 10 minute walk now took us almost an hour - the way back went a lot faster, although there were the usual distractions of phone booths, parking meters, garage doors that would or wouldn't open, etc.) just before the nurse arrived about 20 minutes before schedule.

She gave me the shot, but when I looked at the box I was confused - she had used two ampules, but there were still 10 left in the box. Why? In case you screw up? There was only one syringe provided and the two ampules she used (powder and solvent) were sufficient for the 1500 IU, but still, those things make me nervous. I just don't get pharmaceutical companies.

Other than that I have nothing to report, no new symptoms, nothing.

Monday, May 9, 2011

5dp2dt - too normal

I don't really have anything to report. I'm feeling fine. No symptoms whatsoever, except for the occasional lower back pain and light abdominal cramping. I'm already starting to think about a next fresh IVF cycle...

Thursday, May 5, 2011


My RE doesn't believe in (bed)rest after transfer, and I don't really think it makes a difference either, but after bringing my son to the sitter, buying groceries and getting my post-transfer prescriptions filled, I got home, and I didn't really feel like doing anything (besides reading blogs). So I did this:

Btw, the book is totally awesome (but in Dutch, and I don't think it was translated into English). It's called "Letters to Sleeping Beauty" - every day of the year, for an entire year, the prince, who's on his way to kiss Sleeping Beauty, writes her a letter. One day optimistic, the next desperate, etc. - very humorous and philosophical.

Another award!

Wow, it really is award season in blog land! The amazing St. Elsewhere, from My Lady of the Lantern, awarded me with the Stylish Blogger Award.

It's about the same exercise as for the Versatile Blogger Award:
*Put the image on your blog
*Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award
*Say seven things about yourself
*Pass the award on to 10-15 other bloggers you feel deserve this award
*Contact the awarded bloggers to let them know they've won

With the first two items covered, here we go for seven things about me:
  1. I cannot stand it when someone is wrong, I always have to correct them. My sister refers to this habit as me saying "no, it's not like that!" (which I said to her when I was four).
  2. I am very much my mother's daughter. I realize that even more now that she's gone.
  3. I find it hard to just sit down and relax (a habit inherited from my dad, and rooted in Dutch calvinism).
  4. There is one lady at my pharmacy who's super nice and caring regarding my IF journey, but somehow I have the feeling she jinxes my chances (because I've been having BFNs every time she gave me my meds) - I almost walked out when I came in this morning to get my post-transfer prescription filled and saw her behind the counter. But then I told myself I'm not superstitious and went in anyway.
  5. When we just moved here I was absolutely not into the warm meals for lunch (that last for two hours), but recently my ham, cheese, and peanut butter sandwiches have become increasingly boring.
  6. I should be doing some serious work instead of spending so much time blogging, but especially during the 2ww I just can't seem to concentrate on anything else.
  7. I wish the sea was still only a bike ride away.

I'll now pass this award on to:
(insert pause for a commercial break)
  1. Emily @ keep calm and carry on
  2. PJ @ double blessings
  3. Corinne @ Dealing with DOR
  4. Just Heather @ Life in Finland
  5. Erika @ Something Beautiful
  6. Shannon @ My Life in Stirrups
  7. Preshus Me @ Preshus Me
And I'll keep it at that. It was hard enough to get to 15 blogs for the previous award show...

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


Today was transfer day of our lone frozen embryo. I put on a necklace and earrings that belonged to my mother - somehow I needed her to be there with me today, especially since hubby couldn't accompany me either because he's in China for work.

Before I headed off to the clinic I had to call the embryologist to hear if it survived the thaw. Yes it did! Pfew, first hurdle taken.

I had to be at the clinic at 11:30 am. Was well on time, but unfortunately everyone else seemed to be running late. A little after noon the embryologist finally called me in, went through the paperwork, gave me a report of today's transfer to put in my file, and sent me on to the next waiting room, where I had to wait for the RE. Apparently I was the only one having a transfer today as the waiting room was completely empty and had to wait another 40 minutes before the RE finally arrived.

This time no u/s guided transfer, like with IVF#2, but a 'simple' transfer (that's how it's described on the report the embryologist gave me), done by my own RE. In a way I'm glad, because this is how it went with IVF#1 and that one worked (no, I'm not superstitious...).

The RE told me I could get up and dressed whenever I wanted. I stayed down for about five minutes, talking to my little embryo and tearing up when I told it he/she had an amazing bigger brother. Got dressed, went to the secretary to pay for Friday's u/s, Saturday's trigger and today's transfer and got my post-FET prescription. Had planned to have lunch with a friend who works close to the clinic, but since everything happened so much later than scheduled, she didn't have time anymore, so I went home.

Took my first baby aspirin this afternoon and will continue the progesterone suppositories that I started two days ago. First beta is in 12 days. I've promised myself that I will not POAS if my breast won't get sore, because that's the early sign my body gives me when I'm pregnant (said she who's only been pregnant once).

Monday, May 2, 2011

It's award season again!

Awards were handed out left and right during last week's ICLW and I was the lucky recipient of the Versatile Blogger Award, thanks to two wonderful ladies - Krissi @ Stress Free Infertility, and Summastarlet @ Just us... For Now.

With blog awards come rules, so here they are:
A) Grab the award: Done (see picture above);
B) Link back to the person who gave it to you: Krissi and Summastarlet (see above);
C) Share 10 things about yourself: I'm going to be really lazy here and link back to a) my IF ABC post, and b) a post from over two years ago when I received the Honest Scrap and Sisterhood Awards and had to perform a similar exercise;
D) Award 15 recently discovered blogs: wow, that's a lot - and many of my recently discovered blogs were also showered with awards last week, but luckily I also gained a few new commenters and followers, so hopefully the list below doesn't contain any repeat award winners. So without further ado, here are the winners (in no particular order):
E) let them know you awarded them - will do that tomorrow, time to go to sleep now.